Con amor

“A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.” ― Mae West

This girl has got pieces of it pretty well figured out, but has by no means mastered the art of dating, love, romance, and relationships. Has anyone, really? Aren't we all just fumbling through it together, with lots of great stories accumulating to look back on at some later point in time? My friends and I share interesting, heartwarming, and oftentimes hilarious stories of meeting strangers, the getting-to-know-yous, the questions and curiosities we develop when things move forward or don't, the sweet indescribable fascinations, and the inevitable dating disasters and gong show situational comedies that pop up along the way. My absolute favorite pickup line I've received so far has been, "You are sooo pretty, I wish I had a job." or the musician boy at the gas station who gave me his freshly cut hair in a pony tail as a sign of his affection. Ew. Regardless, I'm still a hopeless romantic who believes in true love (the kind that brought Wesley back from the dead), the one, and partnership that lasts because it's just meant to be...

“Why is it," he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?""Because I like you," she said, "and I don't want anything from you.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

A bit ago, I read some old emails to my sister to get her perspective on things, hoping to close the door on some past relationship stuff once and for all. She's known me the longest, at each stage in my life, and offers straightforward, realistic, loving, no BS advice without fail. Her interpretations are good for me to hear and they help balance me out, as I tend to idealize all situations and people, stemming from my hippie-dippy "all is positive and bright" philosophy. As I read aloud my messages, she repeated, "Ooohhhh... that's good. You said that perfectly." Yeah, I may not be that great retorting in person, but in writing... boy, that I have down pat. When I was done reading a series of back and forth responses, she told me I must use all of these as material for a future novel. She said she would definitely pick it up as a beach read, as would lots of other people. And so the collection began. I have a folder in my e-mail entitled "Novel Fodder", and it contains some of the most sincere and amourous letters ever written- some passionate, some tender, some poetic, all doting and genuine. Then there are some that are just plain funny, ridiculous, crazy (a couple mega-crazy), and absolutely maddening. Oh, the stories I will tell...

"And now you are and I am and we're a mystery which will never happen again.”
- E. E. Cummings

My two major relationships were amazing learning experiences that jolted me in a major way, made me better, and shifted my outlook profoundly. Love tends to do that. However, some of the fondest memories I have are with those select few I've happened upon unexpectedly. Somehow, our paths crossed randomly for some unknown reason that didn't make sense until later, looking back. The lovely, brief experiences that put me deep in the moment with no worries, no cares, just genuine adoration for and appreciation of another without expectation. Fun, excitement, and openness just because... those experiences are irreplaceable, and sometimes I'll just smile thinking back and remembering.

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil

There's that saying about love not being finding the perfect person, but seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I love that and it sits easily now that I've done it. I have so many married friends I admire, and when I talk with them about why it works, they are completely diplomatic about their deep respect and love for each other, as well as their loyalty and commitment to making it work. No one is perfect, but the couples I admire most never expected that of their partners in the first place. They make space for one another. They just get each other, and that works... even when shaken or stirred.

“In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs” ― François Truffaut

Men, men, men, I love men. In my experiences, they are simple and easy to read, yet confusing and complicated, and they operate from such a different angle than us women. Thank goodness, as that difference is the thing I have grown to love the most. The yin and yang fascinates and challenges me. Bring it on, boys!

“He knew one of the women well, and had shared his universe with her. They had seen the same mountains, and the same trees, although each of them had seen them differently. She knew his weaknesses, his moments of hatred, of despair. Yet she was there at his side. They shared the same universe.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Valkyries