Masquerades and Authenticity

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." -Carl Jung

Authenticity. Honesty. The true self, free from the constraints of self-doubt, judgment, falsity. Doesn't that sound like real freedom? I've been reading a lot of great books lately and having ongoing conversations with people that center around this idea. Is it really such a challenge to get there, or is it easier than we may think?  Living in a world of blogs, profiles, and photo sharing  has especially promoted a concept of producing an "image" for public consumption. Why do people feel the need to do so, unless they are trying to sell the public a service provided, and the advertisement of oneself is directly related to that promise? Why promote who we are on a personal level instead of just being it?  What an unnecessary evil! Shackles for authenticity!  Since there seems to be a large surge of people who now claim to be photographers, models, editors, writers, filmmakers, and entrepreneurs, images are being produced by individuals en masse. I find that interesting, and worthy of a lil' look-see. 

I mentioned recently to someone, with a certain amount of pride, that I am the same to every person who knows me. That my conversations, attitudes, values, and personality are expressed without compromise. If my new and old friends, colleagues, relatives (go ahead and even throw in the ex-boyfriend!) got together for dinner to talk about me, they would pretty much have the same take on who I am and what I stand for. The good, bad, and the ugly. My blog matches my Facebook profile matches my Instagram matches my real life (and if it was Twitter or Tumblr or..., I would say the same). Of course, we all code-switch, depending on the setting, and withhold or project based on what is expected of us in each environment. There is the professional and personal self, the introvert as well as the extrovert. But one can gauge their words and actions accordingly and still live unapologetically as their true self.

I feel sorry for people who stifle their voices, who muddle their words and actions when they clearly know who they are. Those who customize their Facebook photos in question, hesitation, and concern because only "this" group knows that and "this" group doesn't, who project a prescribed image based on their perceptions of what they believe others want. I just want to shake them and say, "YOU are good enough as is." Conflict arises when your projected self is not in alignment with your true self, and I know I've felt negativity brim and bubble before when I've strayed from authenticity. 

Living with transparency does not mean telling every little detail or sharing all. It means being real and uncompromising in expression of your weird, strange, amazing, fabulous self. Keeping the heart clear provides the greatest sense of freedom, the kind that settles and frees your mind. Isn't that what we all want? It also improves communication by making your real wishes and motives known automatically so that there is no question. I can think of  so many situations where I've been confused by those who are close to me living dishonestly- whether it be the friend who supresses her actual thoughts and emotions, the person who hides through misinformation (tricking) or disinformation (duping), or the future faker partner whose words don't match actions- it undermines the relationship as well as the individual. Falsity disempowers everyone involved.

In The Velveteen Rabbit, the Skin Horse tells the rabbit that when a child loves him, he will become Real. When the rabbit asks if it hurts, the horse explains that if he becomes Real, he won't care if it hurts. He further describes the process, "It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

Living in a real way can be difficult and puts me in a place of exposed vulnerability, but I'm hoping that if I continue to learn, grow and am conscious of living a truly authentic life, I will become a little old lady who can look back with no regret because I genuinely lived as me. I'll feel free to wear my mumu around town (with flip flops!) quoting books and movies, singing songs, and telling crazy stories. I'll call up all my friends (you know who you are), who will join me for burritos and guac and never ending drinks, where we will fill the night with random one-liners, narratives of yesteryear, countless inappropriate jokes, and booming laughter. Cause that's how I do. :) My wish is to live a life that's worthy of talking about.

And lastly, one more piece I recently read that just resonated... “The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am beautiful while basking on the ocean's waves and I know that I can eat flesh and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in white and wear a silver wig.” - author C. JoyBell C.

Ah, I do love some good food for thought...